tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
