I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
