do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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