Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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