you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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