hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
