he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
