did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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