wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
