maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
