I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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