I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
