She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
