you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
