My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
foreskin is a definite game changer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
