I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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