I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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