I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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