Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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