i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
