YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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