we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
