are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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