Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
