people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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