sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
