to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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