Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Welp...herpes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
