it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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