happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
