Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
