What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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