I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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