She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
