Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You dont lie about slip and slides
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
