I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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