Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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