My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
