Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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