I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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