Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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