woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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