And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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