Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
