My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
