he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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