once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
