Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
