i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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