So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
