Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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