Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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