I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
