I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
