Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
