Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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